Are You Outsourcing Your Effectiveness? 3 Steps to Reigniting Your Life and Career
I can't think of a better way to start the new year than by giving you the tools to take back control of ANY area of your life quickly and effectively. -Asia ----- Are you "outsourcing" your effectiveness? There's an exercise I do when I'm frustrated, angry, disappointed and feel like things just aren't going my way, and I use it with my clients as well. Here's what you do...
Step 1: What's Not Working
Grab a notebook and list the circumstances in your life that are causing you suffering, dissatisfaction, frustration, resentment, anger etc. Be sure to leave room to make notes under each item on your list.
Step 2: How You Wish Things Were Different
Under each item, identify what would make you feel good about the situation. GOOD might mean you now feel happy, successful, confident, satisfied, at-peace, healthy, strong, whatever that result is for you. Done with your list? Great. Let's pause here for a moment...
If you're like most humans, most, if not ALL of what's on your list is about someone else responding, behaving, or thinking differently. You might be certain that if your __________ (partner, boss, workplace, neighbor, kids, etc.) were more this or less that, THEN you'd get to be happy, successful, confident, healthy, at peace, satisfied...
THIS IS WHAT I REFER TO AS "OUTSOURCING" YOUR POWER AND EFFECTIVENESS. This is when you allow the life or success you want to be dictated by someone or something else doing or being something different. It completely removes you from the equation. You might already be recognizing that waiting on someone else to change in order for you to feel good and have the life you want is NOT an empowering or effective life strategy. But don't despair! Here's where you get back to being the CEO of your life...
Step 3: Your Wishlist "Re-Imagined"
Now, go over your list a second time. This time you're re-imagining what needs to happen to make you feel good about the situation exclusively based on actions YOU yourself can take to have the results you want.
If you catch yourself confused and responding "but Asia, it's not about me", then do this as many times as it takes to make it all about you. Keep in mind that the "sound" objections your brain is offering up right now are just part of that automatic, and seldom helpful, defense mechanism always at work.
It's rarely factual, yet highly effective at keeping humans stuck, so don't worry about whether the actions feel doable yet or not, so long as they're YOUR actions.
Bonus step: Decide what action you're going to take first and take it!
Key Takeaway: It's your life. It's always about you.